Today was an odd day, as u was trying to grasp on what I should do or the direction I should go to try to improve of what is expected of me, I was stopped in my tracks for a few seconds. Its amazing on how one person can have a impact, this little boy who acknowledged me and remembered me by name, made me hesitate for a second and think my how charming he is and growing quickly. But yet sadness grew over me as a lot of memories came fourth of my childhood and wondering what feelings must be going on within.

I have always been one to try to live the dream, with everyday thinking of ways to change things, making up the stories in my mind to work out the way I wanted it too, I guess to cover up reality and to make it better. From that point I have always tried to be a friend to everyone, even the ones that didn’t like me for whatever reason they had was fine but even if they had to talk I would listen and open up my mind and dream of a way things could be better for them. And realize in some ways when they walked away I had gained some trust with them. Spent a lot of times encouraging the ones who were down and let them lean on me till they settled their differences and were able to move on. And yes their have been times where I have been taken advantage of but we all experience that at some point in our lives. But the hardest part is to open yourself up again to try to help another who is in need of a shoulder. Witch some of my close friends will tell you I am able to do that easily no matter how many times I get hurt in the process. But I think it was always the purpose in my life though it’s hard to get attached and to let go but it seems to help those who need it. And in the end I have ended up with a lot of friends, more than I realized, but it was most of my dreamed up outcomes that brought happiness to ones life, and maybe one day I might find mine again or maybe not but that’s the way things go in the real world but I can at least say I accomplished something and that’s all that matters and hope it will never be forgotten.

It was a wonderful day today. Have you ever felt like no matter what you do things are not right? Well that is me for some reason my great boss of mine thinks that im not doing my job. Well I guess cause I don’t kiss anyone ass that im not doing my job. Guess maybe I should do cartwheels or something but then again that would be done wrong too. So who gives a flying fuck what he thinks. It seems these days im having a hard time catching a break but what the hell it how bad could it be I mean I could be struck by lighting or something, that even seems like a great idea these days.

I have always thought in some ways that there is no hell because we are already in it. Poses some of my thoughts to be true. Hell the world is wonderful we have threats of nuclear warfare, care companies that are closing up and a government that wants to run everything , “ that is really going to solve our problems im sure “ what is next having to ask permission to use the bathroom ? Government owned stores ? Hell they may as well tell me when I can take a shower or where to buy my things from the money that they will give me great job glad its finally coming together . And the bullshit that I put up with at my job because I ought to be glad that I have one. That tells me that my freedom of choice is being whittled away. And yet to be told that im not doing my job that I have been for sixteen years that’s nice wish someone would have told me years ago and maybe I could have sit on my ass or something to really please them. Just all boils down to is that im not into a click so to speak and just don’t fit in is all . But yet ill go into work bright and early and read the paper with a smile about all the bad things happening in the world today and start out the day doing the same job that im not been doing to their standards for years now and yet they just now don’t like how I do things and be happy and humble of what bullshit the day brings. Take care and goodnight to all.